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This period marks a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, seeking a partner has only become more perplexing – an commonly fruitless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed breakdown to the words gen Z is using to navigate love, intimacy and the search of both. To channel one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s response is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This means choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to partners who choose against having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Personal habits suggesting a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes unstable, poor tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions affirm your decision to date a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, mostly inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or people that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately kill any feelings of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic act.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {