Late-Night Comics Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Program
TV's prominent comedians spent the broadcast criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," characterizing it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the wealthy.
Stephen Colbert's Pointed Spin
Starting his show, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday tune about the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... destroys each thing he comes into contact with."
Colbert's target was the controversial plan that permits foreign citizens to acquire U.S. legal status for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" version for $5 million. An official page pledges approval "in record time."
"A quick thought here to affluent foreigners: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.
He noted that the program is also intended to "get cash" from companies wanting to hire skilled workers, requiring significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choice – if it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.
"The best background check the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these people absolutely meet the standard to be in America."
"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary
On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."
"Here's a card that will allow rich foreigners to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your selection."
"Perhaps it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.
Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."
"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers on Economic Concerns
Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping approval ratings amid economic anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he explained.
This week, in a effort to discuss prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of food items, and behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.
"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."
"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"
Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative news coverage of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.
