Ex- England skipper Lewis Moody has revealed he has been identified with motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet confront the full consequences of the muscle-wasting condition that took the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was involved in the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and won multiple English and European titles with Leicester, appeared on BBC Breakfast 14 days after finding out he has the disease.
"There's something about looking the future in the face and hesitating to really process that at the minute," he stated.
"This doesn't mean I am unaware of where it's heading. We understand that. But there is definitely a unwillingness to confront the future for now."
Moody, speaking with his wife Annie, explains instead he feels "peaceful" as he focuses on his current welfare, his family and planning ahead for when the condition worsens.
"Maybe that's trauma or perhaps I handle situations uniquely, and when I have the information, it's more manageable," he added.
Early Signs
Moody found out he had MND after detecting some weakness in his upper arm while exercising in the gym.
After rehabilitation failed to improve the condition, a set of scans revealed nerves in his central nervous system had been affected by MND.
"You receive this diagnosis of MND and we're rightly very emotional about it, but it's so strange because I feel like I'm perfectly healthy," he remarked.
"I don't feel sick. I don't feel unwell
"My indications are quite slight. I have a bit of muscle wasting in the hand and the upper arm.
"I remain able to doing anything and everything. And optimistically that will carry on for as long as is possible."
Condition Progression
MND can advance rapidly.
According to the organization MND Association, the condition kills a 33% of people within a year and over half within 24 months of diagnosis, as eating and inhalation become increasingly challenging.
Therapy can only delay worsening.
"It isn't ever me that I feel sad for," stated an affected Moody.
"It's about the sadness around having to break the news to my mum - as an sole offspring - and the consequences that has for her."
Household Effect
Speaking from the family home with his wife and their canine companion by his side, Moody was overcome with feeling when he discussed informing his sons - 17-year Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the heartbreaking news, commenting: "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two excellent boys and that was quite devastating," Moody said.
"We sat on the couch in tears, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog leapt across and began licking the moisture off our faces, which was quite amusing."
Moody explained the priority was being in the moment.
"We have no cure and that is why you have to be so strongly concentrated on just embracing and savoring each moment now," he stated.
"As Annie said, we've been very lucky that the sole decision I made when I concluded playing was to spend as much time with the kids as attainable. We can't reclaim those periods back."
Sportsman Connection
Professional competitors are excessively influenced by MND, with studies indicating the incidence of the disease is up to 600% greater than in the wider community.
It is believed that by limiting the air available and causing injury to motor neurone cells, regular, intense exercise can trigger the illness in those already predisposed.
Sports Professional Life
Moody, who gained 71 England caps and competed with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in recognition of his courageous, persistent style to the game.
He played through a fracture of his leg for a period with Leicester and once initiated a workout scuffle with team-mate and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he abandoned a training equipment and started throwing himself into collisions.
After coming on as a replacement in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the end of the throw-in in the crucial passage of play, setting a foundation for half-back Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to execute the match-winning drop-goal.
Assistance System
Moody has earlier told Johnson, who skippered England to that championship, and a few other previous team-mates about his medical situation, but the others will be discovering his news with the remainder of public.
"We'll have a moment when we'll need to lean on their support but, at the moment, just having that kind of love and acceptance that people are available is the crucial thing," he commented.
"This game is such a great family.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even when it ended now, I've appreciated all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with unbelievable people.
"When you have the opportunity to call your enthusiasm your career, it's one of the most important honors.
"To have done it for so long a time with the groups that I did it with was a joy. And I am aware they will want to support in any way they can and I await having those discussions."
